To whomever it may concern.
Hi. I am Jeffrey Means. If you are wondering, “who the hell is Jeff Means and why do I care?” then you are just like most of the people in the world.
That is because there are nearly seven billion of us and I am nowhere near the top of the important list, if that list even exists…
No, really I’m just a normal guy. I have normal feelings, I eat normal foods, and I read normal books, so it is probably safe to say that I have something in common with you.
But, I didn’t write this to talk about myself. That was merely an introduction into a larger truth, one superior to the brave and daring, the normal and abnormal, even the social and political truths of this world. Most people know this truth and don’t think much of it, but if you are one of those who has never heard this good news, your earth will be shattered forever. So, I am ethically obligated to warn you; if you are not ready for the kind of life change described above, I advise you not read any further.
Are you ready? You are still reading, so I must assume that you are. Without any further protest, here it is.
Everybody poops. If there is anyone out there who does not poop, that person is not to be trusted.
Was this juvenile? Yes.
Necessary? Absolutely, and you will thank me for this insight when you meet a man (or woman) who does not poop, for you will know.